Nastasia's Diary
by AXB
Summary: The prettyboy clown hasn't yet learned his lesson. The metrosexual magician just can't keep his hands off of Nastasia's diary. Will he get what he deserves this time?


Tattered and broken, the masked magician, Dimentio, slithered from Mimi's room. His mask was cracked down the middle, due to a perfect strike from a Rubee. His cape had been partially ripped, and he was covered in dust. He struggled to his feet, turning back to the door of Mimi's bedroom. The temperamental girl popped out of the open door, still shrieking with anger.

"And the next time I catch you in my room, I won't just hurt you, I'll _kill _you! You big meanie!" she shouted, throwing a vase at him and striking him squarely in the face, causing him to collapse again.

"Uh... ouch... Mimi's temper is like a consuming fire devouring an abandoned house!" the clown said, rubbing his sore head.

The charming magician floated into the air, fluttering weakly like an injured bird. At least it wasn't a total waste, and he still had time to read Nastasia's diary. He hoped it contained something about him. He truly did think she was smoking hot. With a weak snap of his fingers, he vanished.

The psycho jester magically appeared in Nastasia's bedroom. Everything was neatly organized. She had a simple bookcase, and the books were organized from A to Z. Everything in her room was labeled, and the setup was perfectly symmetrical. However, like Mimi, she kept her journal out in the open. The difference was that Nastasia kept a lock on her journal. Dimentio, still bruised and battered, chuckled softly and snapped his fingers, instantly breaking the lock with his magical powers. He took the blue book in his hands and opened to the newest log.

"_September 23, 2007_

_11:20 pm_

_Journal Log: 'K, so, I was filing some paperwork for Count Bleck this morning, and then that buffoon O'Chunks cooked me some breakfast, 'K? I was trying to be nice, yeah, so I ate it, but SERIOUSLY. O'Chunks should be incarcerated for his cooking. Was that lug trying to kill me? So, yeah, I had him write a 1,000,000,000 page essay on fine dining and how to cook high-quality cuisine. I could learn a thing or two about cooking myself, 'K? 'Cause if the count ever proposes to me, I'd love to be a simple little housewife. I'd make him breakfast in bed, and pack the kids' lunches..."_

"Were it not for her proper and business-like personality, Nastasia's thoughts would be more hilarious than Mimi's. Ah ha ha... I just hope she doesn't find me in here, lest my face become even more black-and-blue than it already is..." Dimentio said.

He heard the doorknob jiggle and sharp footsteps at the door. He fearfully clutched Nastasia's blue book, and horrible memories from minutes ago resurfaced. The clown frantically searched for a way out, sweating profusely, then he slapped his forehead.

"Ah, I'm such a clown. I keep forgetting that I'm... magical," he said, snapping his fingers and disappearing.

Nastasia opened the door to her room and walked in sternly to inspect everything. She checked her bed, dresser and bookcase. Everything appeared to be in order. Everything except for... her diary?

"Ah, my... my diary! Where... where'd it go, huh?" she frantically shouted, searching for the precious book.

Mimi walked in, still red from anger, and found Nastasia looking under her bed and various other places, searching far and wide for her journal. Her already red complexion grew even worse, until it looked as if she would surely explode.

"Ah! That stupid Dimentio! First my diary, and now yours?" the girl shouted.

"Yeah, don't worry, Mimi. I don't think he'll be too pleased with my journal. It has a few things that might not sit well with him, if you catch my meaning, 'K?" the secretary assured Mimi. "In the meantime, why don't we catch up on _his _journal, yeah?"

Mimi squealed with glee and followed Nastasia through the dim halls of the castle, leading to Dimentio's room. Upon entering, Nastasia adjusted her glasses and inspected the room. It was... strange compared to the other rooms in Castle Bleck. It was full of plastic toys and clownish decorations. In one corner stood a large inflatable clown, and in the center of the room was a huge moonbouncer. How could Dimentio even fit a moonbouncer in his bedroom anyway? Nastasia wandered through the room with Mimi, until they came across a glowing white crack that seemed to have formed in midair.

"Huh. A dimensional rift. Seems about right, 'K?" Nastasia said, using her dimensional power to flip the rift, revealing a brightly colored book.

Nastasia grabbed the book and opened it. Mimi stood on her toes to get a good look, and they both took a seat on Dimentio's cold floor to read the journal. Nastasia giggled wildly, which was rare for her. The words in the journal were written in cursive with bright pink ink.

"_6/14/07_

_Dear Journal, _

_Ah ha ha. Today was positively splendid! Nastasia was bathing in the count's whirlpool bath, giving me the perfect opportunity to sneak a small peek! With my invisibility, I was able to get a fabulous view without getting caught! The bath was scented with nectar. Ah... it smelled so good... Nastasia is so lovely when she bathes... and she never realizes I'm there! Ah ha ha ha!"_

Nastasia was positively disgusted by this entry. She made a quick mental memo to murder Dimentio in a bloody, gruesome manner later. But it was nice to know that she could now use this... freakish attraction to her advantage. Mimi simply shut her eyes in distaste. Sure, she found Dimentio attractive herself, but to find out that the demented clown was this much of a pervert really shocked her. Nastasia flipped to the next page...

Meanwhile, in the keep of Castle Bleck, Dimentio was safely cooped up with Nastasia's diary in hand. He opened it, giggling wildly, but he got a _different _kind of pleasure from reading Nastasia's diary than Mimi's. Very different _indeed._

"_September 24, 2007_

_9:30 pm_

_Journal Log: Yeah, so, uh, I've noticed how Dimentio acts around me. I think he, um, likes me or something."_

"Ah, so you've caught my hints, Nastasia. How magical..." Dimentio said, reading more.

"_However, the day I return that little psycho's feelings is the day Goombas become elite soldiers. Yeah, why doesn't that little nutcase go back to the padded room he came from? He should probably use a straightjacket as well, 'K? What the heck was the count thinking when he hired that deranged little psychopath?" _

Dimentio's smile faded into a stupefied frown. He tightly shut his eyes and turned the page. Perhaps he should stop being so irritating?

"But... but I thought Nastasia loved my flirtations! Oh, it's all so unfair!" the psychotic jester shouted.

Back in Dimentio's room, Nastasia and Mimi were happily reading his journal. They found the next entry particularly interesting.

"_6/15/07_

_Dear Journal,_

_Everyday words can't express what the mere sight of Nastasia does to me. Fortunately, excerpts from reproductive biology encyclopedias can!__Ah ha ha! Oh, sometimes I just want to trap her in my magical box and do all sorts of positively naughty things! I'm glad she is unaware that I have pictures of her stashed under my bed. Ah ha ha..."_

Nastasia grunted in fury and disgust, preparing to throw the book against the wall. She fumed with rage.

"Ah! That little pervert! I'll kill him!" she shouted.

"You know, until I first read Dimentio's journal, I didn't even think he liked girls." Mimi said.

"Yeah, well, uh, metrosexual clowns _can _give off those kinds of airs, 'K?" Nastasia said, nodding.

Dimentio turned to the next page of Nastasia's diary, examining another log.

"_September 25, 2007_

_1:30 am_

_Yeah, uh... so I asked the count if he wanted to go out to dinner or something, 'K? But... he was too busy reading the Dark Prognosticus. __Dimentio told me he'd take me to the circus and treat me to some cotton candy. I told him I had plans, 'K, and I think he bought it. But seriously, I'd kiss a Boo before I ever agreed to go out with that strange little twerp. He should just go back to the demented circus freak show he came from. And what's with that creepy mask, huh? That metrosexual clown seriously needs a makeover, 'K?"_

"So this is the thanks I get for being so kind and chivalrous to that paper-pushing secretary? She should be more grateful, for she swims in datelessness like a wretched, hideous schoolgirl!" Dimentio shrieked.

Back in Dimentio's clownish chamber, Nastasia and Mimi finished reading Dimentio's journal. Nastasia closed the colorful book furiously.

"It was fun reading some of his personal thoughts, 'K? But seriously, back to business. I'll punish that little clown for setting foot in my room," Nastasia announced.

"Yeah! Dimentio is so going to pay for this!" Mimi screeched.

Nastasia adjusted her glasses, the journal still in hand, and she and Mimi were enveloped in a pixilated box. With that, they vanished.

Dimentio shook in fury at Nastasia's hateful comments about him. He didn't peep on her in the shower or install cameras in her bathroom just to be rejected. He mulled over some ways to get revenge on nasty old Nastasia. Then, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He whipped around and barked, "_What!?_"

He stood in fear as he was met face-to-face by Nastasia and Mimi. Nastasia had a deathly glare on her face, as did Mimi. Nastasia clutched his journal.

"So, uh, you thought you could get away with all of that stuff? You know, the stuff in your journal?" Nastasia seethed.

"Um, I... have absolutely _no _idea what you're talking about!" Dimentio said defensively.

"So you watch me as I _bathe!?_ You little _pervert!_" she shrieked at the demented clown.

"Well, what are you going to do about it, secretary? You have no power over me, as you are weak like a bespectacled boy in the confines of a library!" the clown laughed.

"Yes, perhaps, but you know who _does _have power over you?" Nastasia said, adjusting her glasses.

Another dimensional box appeared, housing none other than O'Chunks, the brainless warrior. He had a stupid look about his bearded face, thinking that this was yet another punishment administered by Nastasia. She snapped her fingers and pointed to Dimentio. The clown gulped in horror.

"Wha' do yeh need, Miss Nastasia?" O'Chunks asked.

"O'Chunks, be a dear and tear that little perv limb-from-limb, 'K? Great." she spoke calmly.

"Why?" the dim man asked.

"Just look at this, Chunks, 'K?" she said, opening Dimentio's journal and showing him one of the more explicit entries.

After about five minutes of reading, O'Chunks gasped with disgust. He glared at Dimentio, and the jester backed away in terror. He eyed Nastasia's diary in the masked magician's gloved hands, and fumed in rage.

"So, yeh been messin' around wi' Miss Nastasia and Mimi's stuff, yeah? I'll tear yeh to shreds!" O'Chunks shouted, grabbing Dimentio in his huge, meaty hands.

"Ah! O'Chunks, you dolt! Control yourself! Your grip is tight and painful like that of a stainless steel clamp!" Dimentio screamed frantically as O'Chunks shook him wildly and slammed him violently against the floor of Castle Bleck.

Nastasia and Mimi watched in glee as Dimentio was beaten senseless by the bearded warrior. O'Chunks cast Dimentio to the ground and kicked him furiously as the girls listened to his cries of suffering. The hulking brute then picked the jester up by the collar and punched him square in the face, cracking his mask even further.

"Mercy! Mercy! Oh, for the love of all things holy, mercy!" Dimentio cried.

"All right. Do yeh promise to stop peepin' on Miss Nastasia while she bathes?" O'Chunks asked.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!" Dimentio squealed.

"And do yeh promise not to read little little Mimi's diary?" he added.

"Of course, yes! Anything! Just let me go!" the jester cried, tears running from the eyeholes in his mask.

"OK, then. I'll let yeh go, yeah?" O'Chunks said, throwing Dimentio through the nearest window.

Glass shattered as Dimentio plunged from the keep of Castle Bleck. Nastasia happily peeked through the window, smiling and waving.

"Ciao, Dimentio, 'K?" she called, receiving a fearful scream of "Ciao!" in response before he hit the ground with a splat. "Well, uh, that's that, 'K? We should... probably go clean him up before his remains start to stink up the place. But first, who wants some of my special Castle Bleck Surprise? I've been working on the recipe ever since O'Chunks gave me food poisoning!" Nastasia said.

"Sure," O'Chunks said, nodding.

"Yay! I hope it's tasty!" Mimi sang happily.

With that, they all headed to the kitchen for lunch. Meanwhile, at the entrance to the castle, Dimentio was messily splattered all over the black pavement. Count Bleck casually strolled over to his disfigured form and gave a soft chuckle.

"So, Dimentio, have you learned your lesson about invading the privacy of women? ... Asked Count Bleck."

"Not quite..." the half-dead clown replied.

_**THE END**_


End file.
